You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
