Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
