ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
