Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
