Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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