Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
