I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
