i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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