btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
