I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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