Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
