I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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