Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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