You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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