he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
