Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
