i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
