I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
