I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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