When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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