I wannas sexs uuuuu
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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