just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
