Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
