Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
