It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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