hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are we still banned from the library?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize