Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
