Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
