im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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