summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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