We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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