Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
