fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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