I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
