mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
