it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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