1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You ruined the universe
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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