i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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