who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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