Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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