so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
