All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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