i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize