I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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