I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize