I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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