They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
