Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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