i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
