Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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