I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
