If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
