Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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