Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
