I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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