I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
