So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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