How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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