Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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