I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
