He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
