I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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