she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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